Where's the Trust? Part 2- A Confessional

In the interest of full-disclosure, as well as showing that I am really not as wise and insightful as I may sound on the blog, I should tell you that I am the worst actor ever. Not in the sense that I am bad at acting out a character; in that sense, I am a really good actor. I have pretty good technique combined with natural ability, and can be pretty damn good onstage. But, in that sacred contract I was talking about in my last blog post, the part about trusting the director, I am terrible. I truly don't trust directors at all.
     I think there are a couple of reasons for this distrust. First, I am such a director at heart, I really don't look at a production like an actor anymore. If my vision clashes with the director's vision, it makes things really interesting. Second, previous directors I have worked with saw the director in me, and even though I was an actor, asked (or told) me to take responsibility and create parts of a show without giving me real authority or power to do so. If you're gonna give someone responsibility, you really should make them an assistant director and give them credit for the job they did. It makes people really bitter when you don't.
     In general, I don't act very much anymore. I like being a director way more than being an actor. Plus, being an actor is really complicated for me; when I act now, my husband is the director. I don't trust him in that way. Not fully. And it sucks. And it's really hard. How can I not trust this man to be my director in a show? (I should state that he is a REALLY good director, has won awards, and has amazing vision in his shows.) I stood up in front of 200 people and pledged my life, my heart and my love to this man, and I am ready to argue with him when he tells me to enter from Stage Right instead of Stage Left?
     It's the control issues. I get incredibly anxious when I'm not in control. I like to do things my way and get very stressed when something happens to upset my perfect plans. So, do as I say, not as I do, and trust your director. Otherwise you will be a very bad actor like me.