Oh, the messes we make. . .

So, I think I need to backtrack a little bit and explain some more about how completely disliked I am. I am seriously loathed by many people in this town. I say this not to get you to feel sorry for me, because unfortunately, I am the creator of a lot of my own problems.
    So, about five years ago, the opportunity to become involved in this theatre company literally fell in my lap. I wasn't even planning on pursuing theatre- I was on my way to grad school or to be a missionary to Serbia (seriously). And through a really weird twist of fate, I ended up with the opportunity to be high up in the leadership of this theatre.
    The problems began when I was too naive to understand the interpersonal workings of something like a theatre company and too tactless to handle people well. At the time, I thought I knew everything (I knew nothing) and was amazing (was not even remotely amazing). The current leadership was so burnt out, I think they were just happy to have someone around with new energy and ideas.
    I began my crash course in nonprofit politics the Pueblo theatre-community drama. I was so young and stupid. And trusting- way too trusting. I didn't ask the right questions. I didn't know what I was getting involved with. I was walking into a situation with people who had been working, loving and fighting each other for seven years. I thought everyone would listen to me because I was so wonderful and amazing, and everything would just fall in line.
    I became the fall-person for a program several board members wanted to cut. They let me be the bad guy, and ditch the failing program, but I was the one who ended up looking like a jackass. All the people involved in that program hated me (many still do), and I lost a good friend in the director of that program. With the end of that program, we lost a ton of people and a ton of actors. It caused a huge split, and (not surprisingly) another theatre company forming.
    As I write this, I am surprised by the amount of emotion and pain that wound still causes. It is still very raw. The worst part is that I probably will never have the chance to sit down with the people involved, talk it out, tell them what was happening behind the scenes. A badly handled situation, and no resolution or making things right.
    I don't even know what I would say anyway. How can you tell someone that you were being used, that other people behind the scenes were pulling the strings, and that when it comes down to it, you're just sorry for all the pain and hurt you caused, and you just wish we could start all over again.   
    So many regrets of the last five years, and so many things I would do differently. . .