Letting Go

I didn't blog on Friday or Saturday, but I'm not feeling the need to beat myself up over this. In the past, my guilt and feeling of failure would have been enormous, and most likely I would have given up and not come back to the blog (or any other goal) for several months. It's good progress to actually begin to let go of things, move on and pursue my goals.
    I don't claim to be an expert in letting go. I recently had to find a way to deal with (and let go of) something I had absolutely no control over. There is a summer theatrical production in my town that's been around for over 50 years. This program puts on a musical each summer with high school and college students (it is aptly called, "The Summer Musical"). I am an alumni (alumnus?) of this program, and many of my favorite memories of being onstage are with this program.
    The past 20-30 years, the program has been directed by the same team- a team who were also my high school choir and drama teachers, and general mentors and people and learned a lot from in my life. They are local legends and have affected thousands of young lives.
    Here is the kicker- they are retiring after this summer. It would be a dream come true for me to direct this program, a program that affected my life so much. I assumed my husband and I would be some of the next people in line to direct this program; we have the credentials, and we already successfully resuscitated the dying Jr. Summer Musical program. However, apparently, the current directors (people I consider mentors) have chosen their successors, and it is definitely not us.
    It was a real blow when I found out. I was in an indefinable funk for days, and had numerous, circular, vicious, gossipy conversations about the subject with anyone who would listen. Why didn't they choose me? Why was I not good enough? Another person who doesn't like me?! The internal conflict went on and on (and fairly melodramatically, to be honest).
    After some necessary time for processing this information, I began the process of letting go. I will probably never know the exact reasons why I wasn't chosen. I would also like to hang onto my fond memories of my own experience with the Summer Musical. And I finally had a turning point when I realized, whoever takes this program over, one of two things will happen: 1. The new program will be awesome and wildly successful or 2. The new program will fail miserably. Either way, it's ok. If the Summer Musical is awesome, then that just helps all the arts in our community and trains good actors to work with us, as well as giving our kids a quality opportunity. If it fails, then maybe I will have the chance to step in and help out (and then again, maybe I would be overlooked). But why worry about what I can't control?
    On a more important front, why wish for anyone to fail? I hope that the Summer Musical is wildly successful, and the kids involved with it in the future have as much fun as I did. I let it go. And it really helped to know that the Summer Musical road is not a road I am meant to walk down at this time. However, I fully believe that although that path is closed, there is something else amazing, something I can't even picture, around the bend instead.